Dulha Mil Gaya

You are irritated and sad at the end of Dulha Mil Gaya. Irritated, because Mudassar Aziz's film is the kind of film that doesn't only bore you to tears (literally, believe me), but also manages to make you angry at its sheer and unashamed regressiveness. And sad, because you realize that this monstrosity is the best that Bollywood can offer an actress like Sushmita Sen today.
How you miss Sushmita setting the screen on fire like she did in Main Hoon Na and Samay. After the horribly half-baked role in last year's Do Knot Disturb - a giant turkey - she returns in a film that makes you wish she hadn't returned at all.
Dulha Mil Gaya revolves a lot around her character, Shimmer (gasp)- a dim-witted, snobbish and la-di-da model- and Sushmita, in possibly one of the worst performances of her career is still one of the small mercies the film has to offer, along with Shah Rukh Khan (in an extended guest appearance), who helps lighten our misery a little in this torture fest. 
Dulha Mil Gaya, quite simply- is a film where it is difficult to single out any redeeming quality. To start with, the plot (to call it one is dignifying it) about a playboy (Fardeen Khan) who has to marry a girl (comatose newcomer Ishita Sharma) in order to retain his father's property, and his friend Shimmer (God, I just can't get over the name) a daft diva with a wardrobe and of course- a heart- of gold who... (Ah, forget it) is as archaic and derivative as it gets, and the writing, bereft of a single moment of real emotion of humour is appallingly bad. 
The film is a marathon of bad acting, with Fardeen Khan coming out trumps- I am still recovering from one of his dreadful monologues in the film- and Howard Rosemeyer, playing Shimmer's typically OTT, caricatured gay sidekick- coming a close second. The music is terrible, and the look of the film is shoddy to the core- coastal backgrounds are badly chroma-keyed behind the set of a yacht- and all the years that the film took to be complete clearly show, with the actors' body mass oscillating between scenes. Talk about being tacky.
To cut a long story short, Dulha Mil Gaya is the kind of film that Sushmita's character Shimmer would have committed suicide watching. I myself came pretty close, and now that I have survived the ordeal to deliver you this warning- will someone pass me the smelling salts, puhleeez?